xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
