there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
