The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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