Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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