Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your penis caused this!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize