Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
