I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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