Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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