I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
