he puts the penis in happiness.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
