Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
