I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
