We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
