It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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