My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
