omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
