69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
