My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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