I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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