Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
