Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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