man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
