I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
