I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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