And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
