sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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