nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
