You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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