I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
