Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
