I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's the barista slut.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Someone came in the potted fern
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
