I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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