I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
