At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
