I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize