so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
