she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
