cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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