absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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