So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
