How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
