She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
