And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
