I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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