Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
