ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
