You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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