sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
