so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
