Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
