i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize