I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
