just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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