She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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