the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize