Pappa wants mamma naked
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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