PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
