When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You took a bar mat shot.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
