wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
