We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
