I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
