im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
