Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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