I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
