did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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