It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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